watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Randomize
