Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
FUCK WHALES
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