I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
