Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize