Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
