As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
