this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
