girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
