At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
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