Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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