I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Randomize
