Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
