Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
