capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
