My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
