um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
