We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
