whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
