so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize