I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
