I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
