My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
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