Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
