Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
