don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
