life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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