Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
