I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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