A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
