ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
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