did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Randomize
