ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
