I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
