dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
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