Plan B is the new Plan A
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize