So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
