Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Last time i carry you out of a forest
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
