I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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