I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
We are all done wearing pants today
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize
