i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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