let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
where am i from again
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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