and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
she told me i tasted like america
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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