The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
