so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
