i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
