i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize