I can text with my tongue
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Randomize