Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
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