Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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