GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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