Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
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