When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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