Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize