i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Jerry, you need to find god
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
