she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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