His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
