P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
