I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Randomize
