the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize