I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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