puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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