Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
