remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
