She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
