When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Randomize
