just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
i think i just lost a toe
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
