don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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