Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
