so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize
