apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
