Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
