i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
