put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
