i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
