a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
