he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Boobs are out for the taking
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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