she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize