You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
