Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
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