Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
